💙 September’s Tree: For Nicole

September’s tree is different. This one isn’t just decoration — it’s a memorial. A piece of my heart standing tall, covered in baby blues and soft sky colors for my best friend Nicole.

Nicole’s birthday was September 9. She passed away just a week later, on September 17, 2022. That was the breaking point for me. At the time, I was barely hanging on. I was sick, getting weaker by the day, about to go on medical leave from work. And then, suddenly, she was gone.

Nicole was pure light. A social butterfly who loved people so much that waiting tables made her happier than the jobs her college degree could have gotten her. She had just landed her dream job working with Ability Beyond Disability in Connecticut, and I thought she was stepping into the life she always deserved. I had no idea she was using heroin. None. When she died of an overdose, it broke me in a way I still can’t fully put into words.

The guilt ate at me. The day before, she had called crying about her car tires. I sent her $500 and said, “Go get new tires, start fresh, go to work.” Instead, she drove to Waterbury and bought heroin. For a long time, I lived with the crushing thought that I had financed her last day. I wanted revenge. I wanted to find the person who sold it to her. I spent years chasing ghosts, trying to put a face to the pain. But recovery has taught me that addiction doesn’t look like the villain in our heads. It could be anyone — a kid, a veteran, a person who lost their own way. The disease itself is the thief, not just the hand that sold it.

Nicole loved blue. The sky, the ocean, soft baby blues — her whole world was painted in that color. So this month, I covered the tree in every shade of blue I could find. Blue flowers, blue hearts, blue leaves, hummingbirds, peacocks, fairies — symbols of nature, magic, and the free spirit she was. Some of the ornaments I ordered didn’t arrive, so I ran to Dollar Tree to fill in the gaps, but even still, the tree feels full of her. Next year, I’ll add the pieces I envisioned when I first decided to dedicate this tree to her.

This isn’t just September’s tree. It’s a love letter. A promise that even though she’s gone, her colors live on here with me. 💙 Miss you bia, & keep my seat warm up there

With Love,

Elfy & Nicky