Triangulation: When They Bring a Third Person Into Your Business (and Weaponize Them)

Let’s talk about triangulation—a shady little move from the Dark Psychology Playbook that shows up in toxic families, dysfunctional relationships, and pretty much any situation where someone wants control without direct accountability.

💬 What is Triangulation?

Triangulation is when someone brings in a third person—real or implied—to influence, control, or manipulate the dynamic between two other people.

In plain English?

Instead of talking to you, they talk about you. Or they get someone else involved to validate their point, stir the pot, or make you feel isolated and crazy.

It can sound like:

• “Well Mom agrees with me…”

• “Everyone thinks you overreacted.”

• “I talked to [insert third party], and they said I shouldn’t even be putting up with this.”

Suddenly, you’re not just disagreeing with one person—you’re up against an invisible committee.

It’s confusing. It’s disorienting. And it’s intentional.

🚩 What Triangulation Looks Like

There are different forms this dysfunction can take, including:

🕊 The “Messenger” Setup

“She said you were mad at me—what’s going on?”

Instead of speaking directly, they send someone else to do their emotional labor. Drama outsourced.

👯‍♀️ The “Flying Monkey” Invasion

Classic in narcissistic abuse. They recruit someone else (intentionally or not) to defend them or guilt you into submission.

🙈 The Gossip Bomb

They talk about you behind your back to gain sympathy or twist the story before you have a chance to speak.

👑 The Puppetmaster Move

They pit two people against each other (often unknowingly) while sitting back like the conflict-free “good guy.”

💣 Why It’s So Damaging

Triangulation creates an atmosphere of:

• Mistrust

• Insecurity

• Isolation

• Power imbalance

It fractures relationships, prevents direct communication, and keeps people stuck in patterns of miscommunication and anxiety.

Let’s be honest—when you’re trying to heal from trauma, deal with family issues, or recover from addiction, the last thing you need is someone playing emotional chess with your heart.

🛠️ How to Respond to Triangulation

You do not have to play the game. Here’s how to flip the board:

1. Call it Out

“If there’s something you want to discuss with me, please speak to me directly.”

Short, calm, and firm. No drama. No defending. Just boundaries.

2. Refuse the Role

“That sounds like something you and they need to talk about—I’m not getting in the middle.”

Boom. You just pulled yourself out of the triangle.

3. Don’t Recruit Your Own Army

It’s tempting to fight fire with fire. But dragging more people in just feeds the system. Stay grounded. Stay in your lane.

4. Go to the Source

“Hey, I heard my name came up. Can we clear the air directly?”

It’s disarming. It stops the gossip train in its tracks.

5. Protect Your Peace

If someone constantly brings others into your dynamic, they’re showing you they can’t handle direct connection. That’s on them. Not you.

🧼 Final Thought: Clarity Is the Cure

Triangulation thrives on miscommunication, avoidance, and confusion. You don’t need to untangle everyone else’s issues—you just need to keep your side of the street clean.

Speak directly. Stay honest. Hold boundaries like your life depends on it. (Sometimes, emotionally, it does.)

Because in this space—Dove Recovery Art—we’re about healing, not hiding. We don’t manipulate. We communicate.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky